First of all, let’s deal with the “mentoring” part. What is a mentor? And what is the difference between him and the work of a coach, teacher or counselor?
Mentor: “A trusted advisor who shows a less-experienced person the way. The mentor and protege journey together in a trusting relationship that is possible only because the mentor has successfully experienced the journey himself. He’s been there and done that, and the protege want to, too.
This classic example likens a Mentor to a Sherpa Guide
Let’s say your objective is to climb Mt. Everest. Would you like to embark on the toughest challenge of your life (summiting the world’s tallest peak!) guided by a world-renowned Harvard PhD who is expert in mountains, weather, geology and climate change’s impact on the Himalayas?
Or would the better guide be a man who can see Mt. Everest from his porch, was raised in a community of mountain climbers, possesses full knowledge of dangerous high-altitude climbing and has successfully guided other men to the summit (and back!) several times before? Of course, the Sherpa Guide would be the best choice.
And therein lies the difference.
A mentor, like the Sherpa Guide, is taking someone on a journey he has full experiential knowledge of, while the others have specific and valuable knowledge about the journey, but if they haven’t personally lived through it, they lack first-hand knowledge about the pitfalls and dangers along the way.
Counselors, coaches and teachers – like the Harvard professor – can definitely play an important role in the journey but they don’t have the experiential resources of a trained, qualified mentor/Sherpa Guide, especially in the area of sexual integrity.
So, when is a man out-of-integrity?
A man of integrity is the same person on the inside that he’s showing to the world on the outside. A man with sexual integrity honors himself, his wife (if he’s married) and his God with his sexuality. For example, he does not use pornography. He does not engage in sexual relationships outside of his marital relationship. The intention of his heart is to be the best version of himself – the man God made him to be – including in the area of sexuality and intimacy. That is what a man-of-integrity looks like.